Thursday, June 14, 2012

Sometimes in life a little heartbreak....

My grandfather is 96.  Four years from a century of being on Earth.  I knew it would happen sooner or later.  No, he hasn't passed on.  He's losing his memories.  June 9, 2012, my beautiful niece was married.  After the wedding, we stopped by Grandpa's house to visit.  He seemed to be doing just fine.  We were carrying on a conversation like usual.  Then it happened.  He looked at his 12-year-old grandson and said "And who is this fine looking young man?"  Lliam, being the sensitive type, burst into tears.  I kept cool, but I think I was in shock.  I suggested to Lliam that he go outside and try to find some rabbits.  I sent his daddy after him to try to explain what just happened.  Grandpa looked at me sort of stunned and asked "Did I say something to offend him?"  I said no, that he had just had a long day with the wedding and all.  He asked who got married.  I explained it was his great granddaughter.  He thought about it for a few minutes and asked again who the boy was that had been sitting next to me.  I had to fight the tears.  I explained it again.  Then I changed the subject.  I asked him if he wanted to send Jessica a check for a wedding gift.  "Who's Jessica?"  I explained it again.  He decided he had better send one if she was his granddaughter.  I wrote the check out for $50 and let him sign it.  I also wrote a note explaining who, why and how much so when my mom visited next, she could explain it to him again.  I also balanced his check book and wrote on the bottom of the check "wedding gift" so he wouldn't think someone had just coerced him to give them money that he didn't know.

I had been given a warning about what was happening earlier in the day, but it didn't register until that moment.  My brother had explained to me that when he and his son were out to visit the day before, the exact same thing happened with his son.  It's heartbreaking when someone you love with all your heart doesn't have a clue who you are.

On the ride home, Lliam was still weepy so I tried to explain in a way that he might better understand.  Here's what I came up with on the fly.  "Lliam, you know when it is really, really foggy outside and you want to pull back the fog like curtains so you can see better?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's kind of how it is in Grandpa's mind.  We are all in there somewhere, but he can't find us. It's sad, I know, but it happens to most older people.  Sometimes it happens way before this age, but it does happen. He's losing his memories in the fog."
"Oh."
"You know what else I think?  I think that when he goes to heaven to be with Grandma, he will remember every single thing that has ever happened in his life.  I also think that when he remembers something that involves you, that's when you think of a fond memory of him."
A small smile appeared.  "Dad, can we go fishing when we go camping?"

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