What was that about?

Lliam will soon be 12 - less than a month away. Our usual tradition is to spend the night in a hotel so he can go swimming. This year, he mentioned that he wanted a backyard bug safari party. So like any good mother, I have been looking into ideas for such a party. It shouldn't be too terribly difficult.

He had also mentioned that he really liked a certain BB gun he saw at Traderbaker's. Well, we went ahead and bought the gun. We were going to save it for his birthday, but decided to give it to him early. Now my husband just bought the gun today and was going to give it to him this weekend. Why would we give it to him early? Well, he's been through so much lately, including having to change schools in the middle of the year. Hard enough for a regular kid, almost impossible for a special needs kid who HATES changes. He's been doing very well and we thought we would just reward that awesome behavior.

When he was picked up from school today, he asked if the gun was still at the store. His dad told him someone had bought it. OMG....the world just ended. Lliam started crying and blubbering about stupid people and he never gets anything. Lance was trying to get him to calm down and finally shouted out that HE had bought the gun as a surprise for him. Lliam calmed down then said he didn't want a birthday party and didn't want to stay at a hotel for his birthday this year.

Now I ask, was this a statement of stubbornness or was he feeling guilty for blowing up and acting out?

He called me and said he didn't want anything for his birthday. I asked him why several times, but he would only say he didn't know why, he just didn't want that this year. Is he finally realizing that people can do nice things on other days besides Christmas and birthdays?

I hope so, because we do nice things all the time for him. Take the new dog for instance. She wasn't in the budget right now, but she seemed like a perfect fit for him. I rearranged a few things and came up with the money for her. I don't know. It seems like to me that he doesn't always see the nice things, just the times he doesn't get what he wants. That's when we hear what terrible parents we are. How nice. Oh, I know, every parent gets told at one time or another how horrible they are. It's inevitable. It's part of growing up and finding out there are rules and limits to everything. All I can do is hope that someday he sees the light.

Waiting for Spring to arrive.

I am at work today looking out the window. It's been raining most of the day. The wind is making the trees dance and clouds swirl. My husband is at home watching the Big 10 tournament. Yep, its March in Indiana. I am ready to play in the dirt of my garden. I love planting things and watching them grow. I love to eat fresh veggies right from the garden. I enjoy watching the butterflies and bees on their daily flower visits and listening to the birds sing. I can hardly stand living in town - I want to be back on my farm. That house won't be done soon enough!

I long to be outside with my son watching him explore the world of nature and learning from it. He'll be 12 very soon and not too long after that he'll be out in the world on his own. It chokes me up just thinking about it. Have I done everything I can for him? Have I taught him well enough to make it on his own? Have I made him understand that I will love him no matter what? That he can come to me with any question and I will help him find the answer?

I've been away.

Wow, it has really been a long, long time since I posted anything. I guess I kinda got lost in life. Its been a rough couple of years. I am hoping the last major snafu will be the last for a good long time. We lost our house in a fire in October. Undetermined electrical was the cause. What a nighmare. Thankfully we are all ok. We did lose a much loved kitty named Zeke though. He was about 11 I think. An adoptee from the Anderson animal shelter, he was a good kitty. We'd had him since 2004. My husband said as he was running out of the burning house calling "kitty, kitty, kitty" he thought he saw Zeke run back in. Poor critter was confused. Our other 2 kitties were secured after the fire in the garage. They lived in there for 5 weeks while we lived in a hotel room with the 2 dogs. We are all now living in a rental home until ours is rebuilt.

This has been a long process and won't be over for months. I never ever thought in a million years that I would have to actually list every single item in my home. I'm not kidding. Insurance wants to know how many rolls of toilet paper we had to how many magnets were on the fridge. Really? I don't know! My husband and I have spent hours trying to remember. Why is it so hard you may ask. Well you have to understand that I am a collector. (hubbs calls it borderline hoarder) Without looking - can you say how many pairs of socks, undies, bras, purses, jeans, pants, shorts, shoes, belts, bags, makeup brushes, q-tips, bandaids, tea bags, spices, plates, cups, forks, spoons, knives, pens, pencils, buttons, spools of thread, kitchen gadgets, utensils, cleaners, rags, towels, sheets, blankets, pillowcases, movies, cd's, notebooks, stamps, pins, scissors, quilt fabrics, paints, brushes, earrings, necklaces, etc. You get my point. Its not easy.

Did you notice how scattered the list is? Well that is what happens in my head when I am trying to list stuff. I will try to focus on one room - say the kitchen- when all of the sudden something will pop in my head and off my mind goes to that room, then on to the next room. Before I know it, my brain is ready to explode and I have to walk away. Been at this for 3 months.

Insurance also wants to know when we bought/aquired it, how much we paid, and current replacement cost including tax. OMG! Some stuff will never be able to be replaced. I had a lot of discontinued quilt fabrics, antiques and pictures. HELLO!!!!!!!

I had a bunch of vintage trade blankets from the 1930's and 1940's. I've been collecting them for years. I recently checked an online auction site - WOW! I didn't pay anywhere near those prices!

Oh and my pink leather jacket. I found what was left of that in the rubble. I haven't found another one yet.

Why am I not thinking of things right now instead of posting? Well, it's time for one of those breaks. Thankfully I have the kind of job allows me to do this kind of thing. After all, there's not much I can do until a customer actually walks through the door.

Stay tuned.

I need answers

I am SO tired of dealing with autism. Medication after medication. Hospitalizations. Meltdowns - his then mine. No time away. Oh sure, I just had a 5 day vacation, but damn after 9 years that's not very much. We can't go out - no one will watch him. We've lost most of our friends because he is out of control. The few we do have, haven't really seen much of a meltdown, YET.

I cry myself to sleep so often - I should be out of tears. Hell, I'm crying right now. He had a meltdown this evening in public - one lady threatened to call the police. I said 'Go ahead, I could use a break.' She huffed and walked away. Gee, lady thanks for the help!

Why?

Greetings to all

Well isn't this nice. I am new to this blogging thing so bear with me as I learn by making mistakes.

I am a farmgirl from Indiana and am learning the organic way of life. I have always liked the outdoors and animals. We have 2 horses, 2 dogs, 13 cats, several chickens and 2 ducks.
Our horses are Doc, 15 y/o Arab/Morgan pony (1 inch from being a horse) and Rocket. Rocket is a 4 y/o quarter horse that was a rescue from an abusive owner. He is from the "IMPRESSIVE" bloodline and had the blood disorder that is famous with that line.

Harvey is 7 y/o black lab and Henry is a 6 y/o Finnish Spitz/Chihuahua (looks like a fox).
Zeke is our 7y/o house cat adopted from an animal shelter (the same one Henry came from). We have 12 more barn cats: Tippy, Momo, Skippy, Shadow, Smokey Joe, Chesapeake, Dobby, Betty, Frostie, Cujo, Junebug and Rajah.

Bubba and Duck Tape are the two ducks and the only chicken we have left that is named is the rooster, VADER. We have several hens, but none named.

My tractor is a 1941 Farmall M in great shape except that we can't get it started right now. My husband is not much of a mechanic and I haven't had time to look at it. My 92 y/o grandpa told me several things to check and hubby has, but he still can't get it going. I think it may have moisture in the gas.....(to be continued)

I have been married for 15 years and we have 1 child together. Lliam is 8 and is a high functioning autistic also known as Asperger's Syndrome. He is a very bright child, but socially backwards. Looks a lot like Opie.

Well, I guess this is enough to start with since I am tired (1230 am and I have to work tomorrow!!)

Good night.