Sometimes in life a little heartbreak....

My grandfather is 96.  Four years from a century of being on Earth.  I knew it would happen sooner or later.  No, he hasn't passed on.  He's losing his memories.  June 9, 2012, my beautiful niece was married.  After the wedding, we stopped by Grandpa's house to visit.  He seemed to be doing just fine.  We were carrying on a conversation like usual.  Then it happened.  He looked at his 12-year-old grandson and said "And who is this fine looking young man?"  Lliam, being the sensitive type, burst into tears.  I kept cool, but I think I was in shock.  I suggested to Lliam that he go outside and try to find some rabbits.  I sent his daddy after him to try to explain what just happened.  Grandpa looked at me sort of stunned and asked "Did I say something to offend him?"  I said no, that he had just had a long day with the wedding and all.  He asked who got married.  I explained it was his great granddaughter.  He thought about it for a few minutes and asked again who the boy was that had been sitting next to me.  I had to fight the tears.  I explained it again.  Then I changed the subject.  I asked him if he wanted to send Jessica a check for a wedding gift.  "Who's Jessica?"  I explained it again.  He decided he had better send one if she was his granddaughter.  I wrote the check out for $50 and let him sign it.  I also wrote a note explaining who, why and how much so when my mom visited next, she could explain it to him again.  I also balanced his check book and wrote on the bottom of the check "wedding gift" so he wouldn't think someone had just coerced him to give them money that he didn't know.

I had been given a warning about what was happening earlier in the day, but it didn't register until that moment.  My brother had explained to me that when he and his son were out to visit the day before, the exact same thing happened with his son.  It's heartbreaking when someone you love with all your heart doesn't have a clue who you are.

On the ride home, Lliam was still weepy so I tried to explain in a way that he might better understand.  Here's what I came up with on the fly.  "Lliam, you know when it is really, really foggy outside and you want to pull back the fog like curtains so you can see better?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's kind of how it is in Grandpa's mind.  We are all in there somewhere, but he can't find us. It's sad, I know, but it happens to most older people.  Sometimes it happens way before this age, but it does happen. He's losing his memories in the fog."
"Oh."
"You know what else I think?  I think that when he goes to heaven to be with Grandma, he will remember every single thing that has ever happened in his life.  I also think that when he remembers something that involves you, that's when you think of a fond memory of him."
A small smile appeared.  "Dad, can we go fishing when we go camping?"

Choices - Good or Bad - We've All Made Them

Yesterday at work was not such great day.  Why?  Our sign carrier verbally exploded.  Let me back up a few and give some background on this issue.  When the company owner was in the process of opening his fifth store, his maintenance guy happened upon a homeless fellow that was looking for work.  Mr. Fix-it was all about the company  owner hiring this guy.  I questioned it.  Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with someone who is down on their luck getting a boost from those who can give.  However, we knew nothing about this person, where he came from, his criminal history (if he had one), his mental state, etc.  In this day and age one can't be too careful.  This wall comes from working in law enforcement for almost 10 years.  I've seen and heard about an awful lot of well intending people getting hurt by those they are trying to help.  Mr. Owner hired the guy to carry the sandwich boards advertising our business. Let the drama begin.

The first few days weren't so bad.  Mr. Signs got paid daily at the end of the day.  After a few days, he started asking "Can I have an hour or two for lunch money and cigs?"  Mr. Owner obliged him.  Mr. Signs is supposed to be walking from 10 am until at least 5 pm.  We close at 6 pm.  Mr. Signs might work until 3 pm then come in and tell us he was done.  Reasons?
1.  It's too hot.
2.  It's too cold.
3.  Going to a ball game.
4. His girl was giving him trouble.
5. His girl was in trouble - needed to go to another town to get her.
6. Had to go to court.
7. It's raining.
8. Tired.
9. Had enough of people making comments.
10. Got in a fight.

Really?  One day last week another employee and I were looking at a video online of a dog riding a rocking horse - it was hilarious.  Mr. Signs comes in and wants to be clocked out because he has something to take care of.  It just so happened that at the same time he asked that, we laughed because of the video.  Mr. Signs went postal.  He started screaming at my co-worker.  The f-bomb was flying out of his mouth every other word.  He made threats to my co-worker, telling him he was going to rip his head off and ^&*( down his throat, f-this-f-that m-f.  I tried to intervene by telling Mr. Signs he needed to take it down a notch and stop making threats.  He looked at me and said "They ain't threats, they is promises."  I told him that was enough and he needed to leave.  After about 5 more minutes of belligerence, he screamed that he quit and stormed out the door.
Just so happened that Mr. Owner pulled up and Mr. Signs went over and started yelling at him.  Mr. Owner got him to calm down and insisted that he come in and apologize to my co-worker.  Mr. Signs did that, but I was not convinced.

A few days later, a couple of younger people came in saying that Mr. Signs was trying to start a fight outside and some woman was trying to restrain him.  I went out to see what was going on.  It's not good for a company representative to fight with the general public.  The lady was still with Mr. Signs and insisted that the two people who came in the store started the whole thing.  Mr. Signs apologized to me for losing his temper and throwing the sign on the ground.  I informed him that if I got another complaint about him-whether it was his fault or not, he was done.  He protested, but I calmly explained to him that as a business we cannot have this much negative activity going on as it would hurt the reputation of the business.

Moving up to yesterday, it was near the end of the day when a fellow business owner entered the store.  Mind you- Mr. Signs clocked out around 3:30 pm and this happened around 5 pm.  The business owner was obviously very upset about something and wanted to speak to Mr. Owner.  We informed him that Mr. Owner was not present, but was there something we could do to help him.  He claimed that Mr. Signs was in his business parking lot soliciting business right out from under him.  We asked him to explain.  He said the guy in the blue shirt was telling his customers to come over to our store because we paid more.  He expressed his disapproval of this practice to Mr. Signs.  He then told us how Mr. Signs got mouthy and started yelling at him.

I told the business owner that it would be dealt with appropriately.  He said he didn't want any bad blood between the two businesses, but he couldn't let things like that happen.  I told him we understood, that Mr. Signs was currently off the clock, and it would be dealt with.

At about 10 minutes to closing, Mr. Signs came in the store asking if we bought a ring.  I told him no one came in to sell a ring.  I then asked if he had been at the antique shop.  He immediately went on the defensive- yelling and screaming at me.  Throwing the F-bomb every other word.  Accused us of being hoity-toity rich people living in air conditioned homes, driving nice cars, taking vacations and eating out all the time and that he lived in a tent.  I looked him square in the eyes and told him he was where he was because of the choices he had made and continued to make.  He called me a bitch. (not the first time I've been called that - I dealt with angry truck drivers as an inspector - it's part of the job).  I told him that was his opinion and that it was his choice to express that opinion.  I told him that Mr. Owner had explained to him how to get a new ID card since he lost his and he chose not to follow Mr. Owner's advice.  I told him that if he had followed Mr. Owner's advice about the ID card, he could have started the process of looking for more permanent living arrangements.  I could tell by the look on his face that he was getting madder and madder.  I suggested that he go to his tent and chill out for the evening.  To that he said "F*&$ YOU, F*&$ this job and I quit."  I said "That's your choice."

This morning when I drove in the lot, I could see Mr. Signs sitting on the embankment watching me.  Creepy!  Before I could get inside the building, he was right beside me.  He was begging for his job back.  I told him it was out of my hands.  He begged some more and again I told him it wasn't up to me.  I unlocked the door and went inside as he walked away, mad.  He then started calling the store phone.  At first I didn't answer because it wasn't time to open for business.  At about 2 til 10, I answered it.  He wanted to talk to Mr. Owner.  I asked him if he saw Mr. Owner's truck in the lot.  He said no, but he needed to talk to him. He begged me to call him and ask if he could have his job back.  I said if I talked to Mr. Owner, I might say something.

I did indeed talk to Mr. Owner.  I expressed my concern about Mr. Signs verbal abuse to my co-worker and me, his unstable state of mind, his paranoia, his explosive behavior, the fact that he can't follow direction, gets defensive with constructive criticism,  and - most of all-doesn't know when to shut up.  I also expressed concern that Mr. Signs made me uncomfortable and that it creeped me out how he watches us all time.  I told Mr. Owner that it was my opinion that someone who was that violent with words and was ready to fight anyone at anytime could cause harm to me or my co-worker or worse - the customers.
I now worry that Mr. Signs will start stalking us.  He has said previously that he was an Army Ranger.
I pity him too.

Now before anyone gets their feathers ruffled - I don't have a problem with homeless people or people who have had a run of back luck and are currently down and out.  However, don't judge me because I have a job, a house and a  couple of cars.  I have worked hard to get those things and even harder to keep them.  I know about losing a job, being without money, being within a payment or two of losing everything.  Then I lost my home to a fire.  Thankfully I had insurance - that I work hard to pay for.  When I lost my job, I lost a few friends as well.  They couldn't handle having a poor person hanging around.  Not such good friends.  During this dark time in my life that began in 2009, I went through so many emotions.  The depression was the worst and it almost consumed me.  BUT I MADE A CHOICE.  I chose to keep fighting for what I worked so hard for.  I chose to get off my butt, get a job and get back on my feet.  I chose to take responsibility for caring for my family.  I chose NOT to ask for welfare or food stamps. Yes, I got unemployment for awhile.  I was entitled to it.  I've worked since I was 16 and I earned it.  If we didn't have the money to buy something - we didn't. At Christmas, my husband and I didn't buy any presents for ourselves and used what little money we had to buy a couple of toys and some clothes for our son. We didn't go beg for toys at the toy drive.  If the groceries ran low - we made do with what we had even if it was only rice and beans. We didn't go to the food pantry and ask for hand outs.  It wasn't fun, but we muddled through. When we lost the house to the fire, I chose not to wallow in sorrow and self-pity.  I went to work the next day - no sense in sitting around thinking about what happened.  I couldn't change the fact that everything was gone.  I was going to have to start over, again.

Here's the latest photo of the house.  The front door looks like it has a post right in the middle of it, but that is a porch post about 5 feet out.  The funky box next to that is the chimney.  The room that sticks out funny is the pantry/1/2bath and laundry room.  I am hoping the workers were able to put the black paper on the roof today.  The contractor said they should be starting the brick any time.  We meet with the electrician on Tuesday for electrical placements.  The doors and windows have been ordered. Paint and trim has been picked out.  I have to go to the home store to pick out paint for the exterior doors.  Thought they were going to be stained, but was informed they were not!

Stressing a little bit...

Stressing a little bit about all this building stuff.  We have just about everything picked out - still need lights, outlet locations and paint colors.  The plumbing budget made me sad.  I couldn't get the faucet I wanted for the kitchen, but found one I can live with.  I am getting a really neat one for the master bathroom.  Looks like an old pitcher pump type.
We haven't decided on all the lighting yet, but need to get a move on so it's ready when the electrician does the rough in.  I found a really neat ceiling fan for the back porch that is actually cheaper than having two (like before)  We've decided that just about all the lighting can be pretty plain (cheaper) except for the living room ceiling fan and the lighting in the kitchen.  We also picked out 2 lights for the porch and side entry that are reasonably priced for the style.  As far as the ceiling fans go in the rest of the house, we can get plain ones now and later on pick up some prettier globes after we live in it for awhile.  You can't go wrong with black metal and darker wood tones.  To me, these are classic and don't go out of style like shiny brass or decorator colors.

The house is no more!

Well, it's gone.  There's nothing left except the old foundation and some concrete steps that we didn't even know were under there!  We are also going to be removing 3 trees that were a little to close to the house.  The tree in the picture right above this paragraph with orange paint is one of them.  It was burned severely as it stood right outside our bedroom window.  I hate losing any trees, but sometimes its better that way.  Besides, we are going to be planting the entire 12 acres in trees and native grasses very soon, so I think that will more than make up for it.
Much of the wood from the trees being removed will be used in one way or another.  Since we are going to have a wood burning stove,  the larger chunks will be cut and cured to use as fire wood.  The other limbs and debris that is left will be put in the starting pen for the beagles as obstacles for rabbit hunting training. We want the starting pen to resemble actual forested areas where the dogs would be hunting.
I also lost a Red Bud tree in the process.  It's sad since they are so pretty!  They were able to save one of my favorite trees though.  It's also in the above picture, a little more to the right side.  I want to put a bench under it for a place to rest and reflect.

Let the Demolition Begin - Well not so fast!

Well the insurance company finally sent the first of 2 checks for the rebuild of our home. After some banking issues are cleared(we have to set up a separate account), we will begin.

Hopefully in the next week or so, the contractor can start tearing down whats left of our burned out house. He is optimistic that we will be able to use the existing foundation. He'll know more once the old structure is removed. He said he will have the building inspector out there to look a the foundation and make sure it is sound.

After the debris is removed, they are going to dig out the crawl space a little more. That way we have more room to move around if work needs to be done under the house in later years. As it sits, it is extremely tight. I went under there a couple of years ago to try to find a leak and ended up in a panic attack because I thought the house was going to fall on me. Claustrophobia sucks!

The contractor was trying to decide on the best place to put the circuit box. It has to be 3 feet away from any water source. I suggested putting it in the guest room closet. We don't have many guests and it would be out of the way, yet easy to get too. It would also be on the same side of the house as the main line from the road. He's considering that. He wanted to put it with the furnace, but the water heater and water softener are going to be in there and its not a huge closet area.

We know we are going to have a least 2 pocket doors. They are kinda cool and don't take up any room like a swinging door. Don't have to worry about punching a hole in the wall with a door knob either. Yay!

I can hardly wait to have a real pantry. I was looking at doors that say pantry on them last night in some catalogs we picked up at the home improvement store. I know that custom doors can be pricey, so I suggested we get a plain glass door and etch it ourselves. Then we can put whatever design and graphic we want to on it. There are so many cool door designs. We can't decide on a front door. Wood, fiberglass, steel, stained, painted - what color.... so many choices!

The kitchen cabinets are going to be a tough choice too. Of course we have to stay well within the budget, but there are so many styles, colors and finishes to choose from. It's overwhelming to say the least. Laminate counter tops to allow for a granite (or other similar type) island top. What color? NOT WOOD GRAINED! Had that in the last house - looked terrible! Hubby was even picking out the appliances he wanted for "his" kitchen - whatever! He's lucky I liked what he was looking at.

Then we went and looked at lighting. Indoor, outdoor, ambient, task, ceiling mounts, drops, wall mounts, yard lights, porch lights, OMG!

Move on to kitchen faucets - narrowed it down to brushed nickel or oiled bronze - ok that wasn't too hard. What style? Definitely goose neck. Not too fond of the pull down sprayer type - all the displays seemed to be broken - is that a sign? Looked at sinks as well. Looked at one type that said "Heat, crack and chip proof" Looked up at the display model - cracked in two places! Really? Not very good for advertising. Might want to take a look at that again - sink people!

Moving on - what about the 3 toilets we have to pick. Are they all going to be the same? Oooo that one is neat - easy to clean base - no nooks and crannies - hey that one has a slam proof lid! Cool! Dual flush? Supposedly saves water by using less to flush liquid and a little more for solids. Can't they say poop? Everybody still poops right?

What about flooring? Absolutely No Carpet! How about laminate for the living room, kitchen and bedrooms and tile or slate for the bathrooms and laundry room.......

I've been away.

Wow, it has really been a long, long time since I posted anything. I guess I kinda got lost in life. Its been a rough couple of years. I am hoping the last major snafu will be the last for a good long time. We lost our house in a fire in October. Undetermined electrical was the cause. What a nighmare. Thankfully we are all ok. We did lose a much loved kitty named Zeke though. He was about 11 I think. An adoptee from the Anderson animal shelter, he was a good kitty. We'd had him since 2004. My husband said as he was running out of the burning house calling "kitty, kitty, kitty" he thought he saw Zeke run back in. Poor critter was confused. Our other 2 kitties were secured after the fire in the garage. They lived in there for 5 weeks while we lived in a hotel room with the 2 dogs. We are all now living in a rental home until ours is rebuilt.

This has been a long process and won't be over for months. I never ever thought in a million years that I would have to actually list every single item in my home. I'm not kidding. Insurance wants to know how many rolls of toilet paper we had to how many magnets were on the fridge. Really? I don't know! My husband and I have spent hours trying to remember. Why is it so hard you may ask. Well you have to understand that I am a collector. (hubbs calls it borderline hoarder) Without looking - can you say how many pairs of socks, undies, bras, purses, jeans, pants, shorts, shoes, belts, bags, makeup brushes, q-tips, bandaids, tea bags, spices, plates, cups, forks, spoons, knives, pens, pencils, buttons, spools of thread, kitchen gadgets, utensils, cleaners, rags, towels, sheets, blankets, pillowcases, movies, cd's, notebooks, stamps, pins, scissors, quilt fabrics, paints, brushes, earrings, necklaces, etc. You get my point. Its not easy.

Did you notice how scattered the list is? Well that is what happens in my head when I am trying to list stuff. I will try to focus on one room - say the kitchen- when all of the sudden something will pop in my head and off my mind goes to that room, then on to the next room. Before I know it, my brain is ready to explode and I have to walk away. Been at this for 3 months.

Insurance also wants to know when we bought/aquired it, how much we paid, and current replacement cost including tax. OMG! Some stuff will never be able to be replaced. I had a lot of discontinued quilt fabrics, antiques and pictures. HELLO!!!!!!!

I had a bunch of vintage trade blankets from the 1930's and 1940's. I've been collecting them for years. I recently checked an online auction site - WOW! I didn't pay anywhere near those prices!

Oh and my pink leather jacket. I found what was left of that in the rubble. I haven't found another one yet.

Why am I not thinking of things right now instead of posting? Well, it's time for one of those breaks. Thankfully I have the kind of job allows me to do this kind of thing. After all, there's not much I can do until a customer actually walks through the door.

Stay tuned.