A lighter shade of blue....

I am trying so hard not be a downer this Christmas but I'm finding it very difficult.  I keep telling myself to be thankful for everything and everyone.  I am trying to look forward to what the new year might bring, but those depressing thoughts keep shoving their way in like rude Black Friday shoppers.
It doesn't help that I am so completely congested and stuffed up, I can't see straight.
Hubs is sick - could be bronchitis don't know.  He can't cough very hard because of the nerve damage in his back so he chokes a lot.
Son has strep throat.  He went back to school today after being home for 6 days - he had to be on antibiotics for that one.
My friend in spending her birthday and Christmas in the hospital because of cancer.  I want to go visit, but I know better than to go up there like this.  That's the last thing she needs.
My grandpa doesn't know what day it is, then he does, then he doesn't.
My brother had to have a CT scan today because of a mass in his lungs that the doctor noticed when he did a chest X-ray for pneumonia.
The person who gave birth to me is psycho.
I have 3 lumps/bulges in my mid section that no one can seem to figure out what they are.  Comforting.
The young lady I call my 'foster' daughter is living in a garage.
I still owe the contractor money.
I am heartbroken about the families who are enduring way too much heartache in Connecticut.

I try to replace these negative thoughts with better ones.
I am sick, but I am not in the hospital with cancer.
Hubs can still walk even though his legs give out without notice.
Son is getting over the strep. He will have the next 2 weeks to fully recoup.  He is also spending the night Saturday with his grandpa(my dad) for the first time ever.
My friend is still alive when this cancer should have killed her already.  I am glad she gets to celebrate another birthday and Christmas with her family.
My grandpa thinks its 1947.  That's a good thing since things were better back then, harder, but better.
My brother's mass may just be related to the pneumonia, but if its not - hopefully they caught it early enough to fix it.
The person who gave birth to me is still a psycho and there's nothing that can be done about it.
My step-mother is going to check the lumps/bulges on Saturday when we go visit for Christmas - she's a nurse.
My 'foster' daughter is living in a garage and not on the street.  She has a job and is starting a better one in January.
I have a job.
I have a car that my boss pays the fuel for.
My house is done and we are comfortable in it.   I will make arrangements with the contractor to pay off what we owe him.
I have my son to hug.
I got a kitten for Christmas and just in time - her sister was hit by a car the next day.

I'm blue, but it's a lighter shade of blue.  I need some sunshine and a vacation.
I promise I will keep trying to think better thoughts, but its so hard sometimes.

Sometimes in life a little heartbreak....

My grandfather is 96.  Four years from a century of being on Earth.  I knew it would happen sooner or later.  No, he hasn't passed on.  He's losing his memories.  June 9, 2012, my beautiful niece was married.  After the wedding, we stopped by Grandpa's house to visit.  He seemed to be doing just fine.  We were carrying on a conversation like usual.  Then it happened.  He looked at his 12-year-old grandson and said "And who is this fine looking young man?"  Lliam, being the sensitive type, burst into tears.  I kept cool, but I think I was in shock.  I suggested to Lliam that he go outside and try to find some rabbits.  I sent his daddy after him to try to explain what just happened.  Grandpa looked at me sort of stunned and asked "Did I say something to offend him?"  I said no, that he had just had a long day with the wedding and all.  He asked who got married.  I explained it was his great granddaughter.  He thought about it for a few minutes and asked again who the boy was that had been sitting next to me.  I had to fight the tears.  I explained it again.  Then I changed the subject.  I asked him if he wanted to send Jessica a check for a wedding gift.  "Who's Jessica?"  I explained it again.  He decided he had better send one if she was his granddaughter.  I wrote the check out for $50 and let him sign it.  I also wrote a note explaining who, why and how much so when my mom visited next, she could explain it to him again.  I also balanced his check book and wrote on the bottom of the check "wedding gift" so he wouldn't think someone had just coerced him to give them money that he didn't know.

I had been given a warning about what was happening earlier in the day, but it didn't register until that moment.  My brother had explained to me that when he and his son were out to visit the day before, the exact same thing happened with his son.  It's heartbreaking when someone you love with all your heart doesn't have a clue who you are.

On the ride home, Lliam was still weepy so I tried to explain in a way that he might better understand.  Here's what I came up with on the fly.  "Lliam, you know when it is really, really foggy outside and you want to pull back the fog like curtains so you can see better?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's kind of how it is in Grandpa's mind.  We are all in there somewhere, but he can't find us. It's sad, I know, but it happens to most older people.  Sometimes it happens way before this age, but it does happen. He's losing his memories in the fog."
"Oh."
"You know what else I think?  I think that when he goes to heaven to be with Grandma, he will remember every single thing that has ever happened in his life.  I also think that when he remembers something that involves you, that's when you think of a fond memory of him."
A small smile appeared.  "Dad, can we go fishing when we go camping?"

How do you depreciate the value of a pet's life?

When our house burned down, I never thought dealing with the insurance company could be so blood boiling.  I've mentioned how we have to write down everything we can remember that we lost and how much we paid for it.  Then the insurance company will depreciate it.  After that, they send us money to buy the item back, but things cost more these days.  If it costs more to replace than we paid, they supposedly will send the difference.  Ok so our sofa cost about $2,000 when it was new 5 years ago.  I don't know how to figure the depreciation, but say they will send us $1,000 for the sofa.  How are we supposed to repurchase the same sofa with only $1,000?  I don't understand.

Well, how in the hell do you put a price on the life of a pet?  Are they going to depreciate his value because he was 11 years old and a cat can live for more than 20 years? Is he less valuable because we adopted him? Because he was declawed? Because he was neutered? WTF?  I just don't get it.  He can't be replaced.  Zeke was Zeke.  Every pet is different their own special way.  His life was priceless.  

Teaka, the English Shepherd

Even though I just wrote about losing a pet, I wanted to share another picture of a beautiful girl we adopted on Valentines Day 2012. The other picture I posted was kinda dark and didn't show how pretty she really is. So, without further adieu, I reintroduce TEAKA.

This was Zeke. I adopted him in 2004 from an animal shelter that, at that time, only charged $10 for any animal. He was fixed and de-clawed. The shelter thought he was about 4 years old when I got him. He was skinny when I got him and he never didn't gain any weight even thought I left the food bowl full all the time. Zeke was very independent, unless I sat down. Then he was all about being held and loved on. He was a snuggler. This picture was taken in 2010 shortly after we brought little Albert inside. At first Zeke would have nothing to do with him, but Albert was persistent and Zeke finally caved in. He really was a big softy, he just didn't want anyone to know it. We had him until October 7, 2011. I am not certain, but I think he perished in the fire. Lance said as he was running out of the house calling 911 and kitty, kitty, kitty, he thought he saw Zeke running the other direction. Zeke looked confused. I hope his death was quick and he didn't suffer. We have never found any trace of him. I know it sounds gross, but I would like to know for sure. It would mean closure for all of us. Some friends have suggested that maybe he did get out and is hiding somewhere. Even is he did get out he wouldn't have survived the winter. Zeke hated being cold. He always slept in front of the wood stove when the weather was cold. I miss him.

Shouldn't the dog be sleeping on the floor?

Meet Harvey. He is an 8 year old black Lab. Dumber than a box of rocks, but cute.

Looks as though Zeke has the right idea for these bitter cold days we've been having. It a bit warmer today than it has been. Looks like a balmy 26 degrees out there. The horses are enjoying 2 bales of hay and the ducks and chickens are enjoying some sunshine. Yesterday, after we discovered a broken frozen pipe, we called the plumber. They were able to fix one problem, but when we turned the water on, we found another. They asked us if we thought we could make thru the weekend w/o running water because if they came back on Monday it would so much cheaper. We are waiting until Monday. We shoveled snow in the horse tank. After that load melts, we add more. One strange thing that has happened since the plumbers were here though, is the outside cats have found a secret passage that somehow leads IN THE HOUSE!! I haven't found it yet, but I think it is around the old furnace. We don't use it anymore because it was so inefficient. The plumbers had to remove some of the duct work to get to some of the pipes. I am just sure that is where the kitties are getting in! AND if they are getting in - what else can get in- oh the thought!!!!!

I really hate not being able to do laundry. (did that sound sincere?) No - really - I like doing laundry. The only problem is since I didn't get to it last weekend from helping my mother, the mountain is growing! It will take a week to get caught up. We only use the dryer for my uniforms because of the lint. We even went out and purchased another wooden drying rack. Now I have three. I line them up in front of the pellet burner and let the heat from that dry the clothes. It also helps add moisture to the air. As much as I like the pellet burner, it really dries the air out!
Another drawback to not having water is that no dishes are getting done. We are trying to use compostable tableware, but unfortunately, we are eating out frequently. I am out of pans to cook in. I was holding out, trying not to buy water, but I am afraid we are going to have to get a couple jugs anyway. We are using hand sanitizer and baby wipes to clean up with. What about the bathroom, you ask - Well we have that covered as well. You see, a while back, my husband read about making a port-a-pot out of a 5-gallon bucket, wood shavings, and an old hose winder. You know the square kind that is supposed to look nicer next to the spiggot that a coiled up hose. Our plan was to take it with us when we went trail riding with the horses since, a lot of times there are not bathrooms close by. I guess you can say we are roughing it. It doesn't smell too bad.....you just have to layer in a bunch of shavings after you "go". It sure beats having to spend money on a hotel room or going outside!! Afterall, we are still going to have a hefty plumber's bill.

Thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you wish.